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Playing a Priest in game.
by Draginbeard

I want to talk a little bit about gaming this time. It's still one of the most enjoyable things I do, and I make time to play around a table with friends as much as I can. This time I want to say a little something about the challenges of running a class I usually avoid.

In the most recent D&D campaign I am involved in, I am playing a priest for the first time. Usually I distance myself from having to sit back and clean up after every battle, but this time it is a little different. First off, in this game world, the gods are distant and seldom respond to a call from their faithful servants. In order for my gnome cleric, Nifty Bellsong to successfully channel and spell, he needs to roll a Difficulty Check.

Instead, it is the Druid society that has claimed the high post of spiritual guidance in this world. Effectively, I am playing a priest that everyone thinks is just using Druid magic, even though he, in no way conforms to anything that even remotely resembles an actual druid. (Garden Gnome jokes aside). So I have been faced with playing a class that needs followers in a world where no one believes in gods.

For role play experience, my character Nifty has taken (almost a joke at first) to street preaching. Right now my rolls have not been very good, so he is struggling a bit gaining a crowd who will listen to him. Realizing most people won't stop to hear some 3 foot nut job preach at them while standing on top of a couple unstable crates, I decided to really think about what Nifty would say.

To this end, I wrote up this kind of funny rant that reflects both the campaign world, with a healthy (or unhealthy too, I guess) mix of our own current events. This is what I came up with:

Nifty's street corner.

Greetings and salutations all of you grand and lofty citizens of Burgholt  (or whichever city/town he happens to be in). Allow me to offer you the voice of hope and reason in these troubled times!

'Troubled times' I would call this neither original, or even a strange thing to say, for when are times not troubled? Throughout history, in nearly every city this very thing could be said, and its use has ever been implemented to gain your attentions. So let me focus first on Hope, and then return to the trouble of our times.

Hope, you say? Have not the gods abandoned us to war and desperate measures?

I say to you that they have not! Pelor himself watches over us still, for he cares for our troubles and smiles warmly upon us all. Give him a kind thought and have faith that the days of salvation is coming, don't you know!

On that note, I return your attention upon the events of the day, and the troubles that we face in this dire hour. This, my friends and fellow compatriots, is where we must focus, and it is here that I offer you my message of hope. Welcome to Doctor Nifty's street corner!

As I began earlier, I have come to say that Pelor is watching us all from on high. Our troubles and concerns do not go unnoticed, and while events unfold that we cannot fully grasp or open our hearts to, Pelor is with us all, and he can help guide us through to safe harbor, don't you know!

(exclusive to Burgholt city)

And as we speak of troubles, you all know that war has come to many shores. I myself, have seen such in my travels, and I must offer up caution to the governing body of this fine city. It may be strong, and the harbor impregnable, yet a brave and wise man once said to me; "Impregnable? Bah, give me 10,000 Kelmain with crossbows and canoes, and we will impregnate the lot of them!"

Bolster our defense! Surely that is a good start. But that is only a small start. Pelor has given me a chance to walk among your fair streets to witness a mighty city guard who, while well trained and amply armed, avoid the lower docks, as if sure that no enemy could infiltrate through shipping lanes. I think this a grave error.

 I say to you again, such arrogance can be costly, for an enemy did indeed infiltrate beneath the very streets you tread so carelessly upon.  You may ask who,  or how,  and why?!  All very good questions! And I will answer these as best as I can.

These invaders were Orcs! Come to do unspeakable ceremony and murderous heretic magics. Many innocents were lost to the bloody rituals performed in a rotting temple that the very builders of this city paved over, untold decades ago!  Any who ventured into the very sewers beneath your feet were abducted and hacked to bits in a most gruesome display of savagery!

I swear upon my faith that I speak truth to you all, for I have seen these brutish creatures, and with the aid of some very fine people, we drove them out! Soon we will go and seek these Orcs and drive them all into the open to deliver a final, righteous blow against evil!

So yes, it is good to bolster your defiance, and lift up a vigilant gaze. The measures taken for your protection should not just be left to the governing few. These politicians have their hands full counting coin, raising taxes, and holding petty sport to distract you from the true danger around you.

Do not surrender your freedoms to an unseeing, and openly belligerent policy of complacence! Take, as a for instance, the policies that your gluttonous leaders currently offer to keep you from everyday dangers...

They have taken away the commoners right to bear arms. A bold and worrisome decision, especially In a frontier country, where arms and protective clothing are a steadfast necessity. I speak out and say you should not allow these bureaucrats to compromise the safety of your families, don't you know!

 I, under the guidance of Pelor, have witnessed with little mirth, the progressive, and concrete expansion of child labor. These mewling, and conniving trade masters made law makers have given you quite the industrious advancement in civil peace keeping. Your own children!

You have all seen this, children are thrust into harm's way, becoming small arm caddies. Lugging around burdensome weapons of carnage, as if this measure of keeping the peace will save them should an unwitting patron get jumped by knife wielding thugs, or gods forbid, and invading force!

I ask you with an honest heart, will your child be spared if the very patron they are playing small arms locker for, decides he no longer wishes to conform and avail himself to the child's service? I say the risk is great if this patron is of the black hearted and leads your youth to a bloody end, down some dark alley!

Oh, the city guard will attempt to hunt down the perpetrator, and if they can find and capture him, punishment will be dealt swiftly. Surely that will ease the hearts of that child's grieving parents, right? I think not! But wait, we should not fear, for the current masters of the city tells us such a thing is a rare occurrence, most children in this vocation survive long enough to see the sun shine one more day. Are you not reassured by this brightest of news?

Ah, but there is more! To further ensure less violence in your fair streets, the mediocre brilliance that is your governing farce, has it in mind to further enthrall you with the delusion of safety. I have heard from inside sources, that parliament is in discussion to soon reduce Arrows and cross bolts to 7 per quiver!

Oh yes, expect that and more, my fine populous, for these same leaders continue to generously tax any successful ventures, funneling proceeds to the carefree and unmotivated. Not to mention, line the pockets of this self same body politic that brought you 'soap with a prize inside'!

And  lastly, yes, they are still scribing all of your conversations, public and private, for your own safety, don't you know!

I know this is much to darken your mood, but I say that you have all in your power,  your destiny can be yours to choose, and Pelor will be with you when you see what true freedom can do for your very soul!

I say to you, there is hope. The gods have not abandoned you. We can have spare change, yes we can!

I serve Pelor, and his grace is upon me. I live with my heart and faith to guide my path. I follow Pelor, and trust in a freely chosen moral responsibility to help others. Come sit with me and let us talk of a greater good, one that does not offer an unseen tax or limitations!

Pelors grace and blessings be upon you all!

 

See you all next update!

Gavin - 06/23/2013